Face that fear over and over and over again until it no longer has a hold

“It’s what we do over and over and over again that gains us the victory,” Joyce Meyer.
I heard her say that on her program this week. How true that is for ocd. What you do over and over and over again in standing up to the fears makes them back down. It is not something that we do once or twice, but over and over. I’ve noticed after several trips lately with others that I’ve had to face many issues with people in my personal space and having to get ready outside of my comfort zone because of it. Each time that has happened, I got a little bit stronger and it spills into other areas as well. It’s kind of like the row boat in this picture. To get to the island, you can’t just row the boat once or twice to get where you are going. You have to row over and over and over again until you reach your destination. The same is true for ocd. When facing down your fears, you have to often do it over and over and over again until you no longer fear it. I’ve found it also helps to turn on your logical thinking and tell yourself the truth about the matter not what the ocd tells you. So, what is it that you’ve done once or twice and then quit doing in the fight against ocd because you thought it was too hard or you thought I’ve done it twice and nothing has happened? Take that thing and do it over and over and over again until you conquer it. It is best not to let too much time pass between the exposures either I’ve found. It is even better, for instance I had an issue with some shoes – if I go and put the shoes back on the next day and wear them the whole day then they’ve lost their contamination issues for me. But, if I don’t and I avoid the shoes, then the shoes become more and more and more of a problem for me and it is harder for me to deal with them and put them back on. So, if you know that something is bugging you and you are ready to face it on your hierarchy of fears, then tell God you are ready and just jump in and face it. Kind of like just jumping in the water instead of slowly getting in or ripping off a bandaid instead of slowly torturing yourself with removing it. Don’t jump in if it is something huge on your fear list and you have not conquered other smaller fears first, but if you are ready and we always know when we are, then why not just do it as the Nike slogan says. You may have to do it repeatedly over several days or maybe even weeks before you are completely comfortable with it, but you will see you get stronger each time. And, the good news is that sometimes on some fears, it may only take you a couple of times or one time to get over it. And, sometimes after you’ve conquered all those smaller things, the big things aren’t as scary anymore anyway. So jump in with God when you are ready. If you need the courage, ask God for it. And, most important ask Him to lead and guide you in what you need to face and in the time you need to face it. He will you know. Here’s hoping you all have a wonderful Labor Day weekend and remember me in your prayers on Tuesday as I start a new job and might be quite nervous. Love to you all and know you are never alone in what you face.
Getting through ocd.

I love you. I am proud of you. I believe in you. – God

God loves you! God is not mad at you! God believes in you! God is proud of you and is not ashamed of you! God is not angry with you! He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.
We all need to hear this. So stop right now and read these words over and over again until you feel them sinking into your spirit. Say it. God loves me. God loves me. God loves me. God is not mad at me. He is not angry at me. He is proud of me. He believes in me. I am strong in Christ and I can do all things through Him. These should be our mantra until we get completely free. Now, let me share some good news and then let you know that after huge breakthroughs sometimes you can feel a little backslide, but it is nothing to worry about or get stuck on. It is just part of the process.
I was offered a job and I took it. I begin working in the sales field at the beginning of September. It is completely out of my experience and it is not what I ever planned to do with my career, but it is a job and I have the potential to make a good living if I am good at it. It remains to be seen whether or not I’m a good saleswoman. I have reached a point where I feel I need to work and God did open this door which was the answer to my prayer so for some reason there is something here for me to learn that will help me with what He has next for me to do.
Now, just before and right after that I have had some major exposures with pills. I went to the hospital and visited my brother following a surgery and was I exposed. I was out of town so I couldn’t do anything about my clothes and I couldn’t very well go back to the hotel and shower before dinner. In fact, I didn’t want to. I survived. After that, I did really well, but a few days later I experienced an increase in symptoms. I tell you this to let you know it is normal and part of the process to your freedom. They subsided and I experienced an even bigger breakthrough. A few days after I accepted the job, I was in a restaurant. A woman pulled out her medication, took it and I didn’t get up. I didn’t wash my hands. I didn’t come home and shower. I didn’t shower before bed. Huge, huge breakthroughs. But, the devil was mad so he started a huge argument between me and my husband that brought up some very old issues. It might have been one of the worst fights we’ve had, and believe me we’ve had some doozies. I say all this to let you know that your freedom and my complete freedom are coming. Don’t let the devil discourage you after a breakthrough if you have a few bad days. Just know that is to be expected and more breakthroughs are coming and it will continue until you are completely free. So know this. God loves you. God is not mad at you. God is proud of you. God wants you well. Someone here needs to hear that. God wants you well. And, you will be as long as you keep cooperating with Him and following Him.
I love you all! My heart goes out to you all! I know what you go through! I know the fight seems long and hard! Believe me I know. I want you to know I’m proud of you! If you never hear another human being tell you that they are proud of you on this earth know this – I am proud of you! It takes strength and fight to do what you do to get free! You are to be commended for a job well done! At the end of your life, God will say to you – Well done good and faithful servant. Well done! You have kept the faith. You have finished the race. I am so proud of you! I love you so much! – God.
Getting through ocd.

Who will fight for you?

Have you ever wondered in your fight against ocd, who is fighting for you? We so want people to stand beside us and help us in the fight, but so often we find just the opposite is true. We see people who are supposed to love us the most, hurt us the most and don’t understand what we are going through. They are only human and a human is not perfect, cannot love us perfectly, and well let’s face it, will from time to time let us down. Just as we let others down from time to time without meaning to do so. But, sometimes we find ourselves in a fight and we do truly feel we are all alone and no one understands. We begin to feel sorry for ourselves if we have been in the fight for too long. We wonder does anyone really love us? Does anyone really care enough to fight for us? And, what I want to tell you is something I heard in my bible study this week and it nearly brought me to tears. Someone will fight for you girlfriend and guy friend. Your savior Jesus WILL FIGHT FOR YOU!!!! He holds you so tight that your name is engraved in the palms of His hands. Don’t you ever feel you are in this fight alone! You are not alone! You have God on your side! Do you understand that the God of the Universe, the God who put everything together on this planet, the God who formed you in your mother’s womb is fighting for you! That is no puny little God. That is a God who is bigger than anything you face and His power lives on the inside of you. He didn’t say all of our battles would be easy, in fact, He told us in this world there would be trials and tribulation, but He also told us to take heart because He had overcome the world. He has given us power to trample on scorpions and all the schemes of the evil one – and believe me ocd is a scheme of the evil one. He has given us power to pull down and overcome every stronghold – and you better believe that ocd is a stronghold of fear. Fear can be overcome. It must be faced, but it can be overcome and your GOD IN HEAVEN IS FIGHTING FOR YOU!!!You better believe it and stop letting the enemy walk all over you with his pathetic lies. You speak scripture back because that is your sword and you spend time with your God, personal time getting to know Him. That is how you fight with Him and regain your life. He fights for you, soldier. You are a soldier in the Army of God and you never have to worry if someone is fighting for you, if you are worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for and God has told you He will fight for you! So, get up and try again. It’s not how many times you get knocked down that matters, it’s how many times you get back up! GET UP, GET UP, GET UP AND FIGHT! The time of your redemption and restoration is near.
Getting through ocd.

A fresh wind…

Are you ready for a fresh wind from God? You know all He has to do is blow in your direction and your outcome and destiny can completely change. If you are like me, you may feel you didn’t get a great start in life and that the enemy has just been dogging you since the day you were born. Then to top it off, you got this ocd battle you have found yourself in. You may be wondering if things will ever change or get better.
I am here to tell you that they will change and they will get better. You can believe it. Sometimes when our struggle has seemed long and we have been waiting on God to change our circumstances, we can get discouraged. We may start to even blame God for not coming through faster.
I am doing a Beth Moore bible study on Esther at my church. I have done the study before, but let me tell you that it has hit me in fresh and new ways this go around. Last night, she talked about in her video lesson how we are to wait expectantly on God because He never makes us wait in vain or without a purpose. There is always a good outcome and purpose when God makes us wait. With ocd, I believe it is to teach us to trust Him and not ourselves or the ocd rituals. The end game with God is always trust. He does not want us to worry and fret, she taught, but to trust Him with the situation and the problem.
When He moves, it will be suddenly and swiftly. Let me tell you a little of the story of Esther in case it’s been a while for you reading it. Esther risked her life to go to the King, her husband, to ask that he spare the life of her people and her own life. She could have been executed just approaching him without being called for by him. She risked that after prayer and fasting. Beth Moore said last night that Esther stepped through and into her destiny. Often, she said, God is waiting for us to take that first step, that step that moves us in the right direction. We take the step and like Esther we step straight into that wonderful destiny God has planned for us.
What step has God asked you to take recently? If He has asked you to do something, you know deep down what that is. If you feel He hasn’t asked you to do something, ask Him if there is something He would have you to do. Now, muster up your courage and take that step. God is ready to blow a fresh wind of favor in your direction, but you must move toward Him. Will you do that? Are you willing to trust Him? That is all that He is asking of you and me. “Do you trust me child? Do you trust me?” He will never lead us wrong.
Getting through ocd.

What will you say when you are free?

If you are a beach person or even if you are not, picture yourself here on this peaceful shore with nothing but the sound of the waves lapping the shore! Now, I’m going to share something I read from Joyce Meyer today, just a short piece but I want you to read it and really let it sink in to your spirit.
“When we are faced with fear, rather than bowing to it, we must stand firm against it and do what we fear anyway. Don’t run! See Exodus 14:13.” -Joyce Meyer.
Now, I want you to picture that you have faced and conquered your fears. You have stopped running. You have felt the fear and anxiousness and did what you feared. You have seen that nothing happened to you because of it. You feel accomplished, courageous, braver than brave and most importantly free from all that satan has tried to take from you. Now, you are sitting on this beach with just you and the Lord. What do you say to Him?
I will leave you with that today.
Getting through ocd.

Your restoration is near!

Sorry I haven’t written here in a while. I have been hot and heavy on the job hunt and doing interviews. My prayer has been that God would open the doors He wants to open in this area and close the ones He does not want me to walk through. Yesterday, one door closed in a job where I had made it to the final candidates. My second instinct after it sunk in was to feel a little down about it and then my mind tried to rehearse all the what ifs. What if I never find a job or what if it takes a really long time…You know the ones we are tempted to think. I had to remind myself that I asked God to guide me in this and to open and close doors, so I have to trust this door closed for a reason and it was an answer to prayer because God has something better planned.
On another note, the only two things really left on my ocd spectrum were shrimp and prescription medication. Shrimp because when I first began falling apart two years ago, on two occasions it happened just after I ate shrimp and I attributed the anxiety and panicky feelings to the shrimp. You will be happy to know that I ate shrimp last weekend. So, all the food groups have come back in now. If you read my history from two years ago, you will know that at the beginning I would eat hardly anything and I was very selective in what I ate. I was very uptight around food for a while. Everything but strawberries, peanuts and shrimp had come back in for more than a year, but in the last six months I have conquered the last three.
I have made some progress in the prescription pill arena, but I am not where I want or need to be completely in that area yet. You will be happy to note that I have applied for one PR job in a hospital. Yes, you heard me, a hospital, and I am actually hoping I get that one if it is what God wants for me. You see, I am a little hesitant about deliberately exposing myself to prescription meds – part of the trauma I suffered at age 35 from a bad medication reaction. However, I never feared being around medication at all until two years ago when I fell apart from stress and ocd. I didn’t like to take it, but I didn’t fear being around it as long as I didn’t touch it. So, my thought process has been if I take a job in a hospital at my own choosing then I’ve deliberately placed myself in a position to expose myself daily to – you got it – medication. Now, God may have a different plan, but I am soldiering on and hopefully I can post here soon that God has given me an awesome job and I am loving and living life to the fullest. God has been amazing to me so far in this fight and has brought me through so much. I know that one day I will be completely free from the fears that have bound me and had a stranglehold on my life. It can be done with God. Believe me it can because God brought me all the way through this to this point without the aid of any medication. That is a miracle considering where I came from at the bottom of this hole. He didn’t bring any of us this far to just leave us here or delivered from all but one thing. No, He intends to fully deliver us from it all. Stay in the fight! Take God’s hand! You are far braver than you know! You and I were meant to be courageous. So fight on soldiers of God. Your restoration is near!
Getting through ocd.

God is with you in this fight so how can you lose?

I wanted to share something with you that God shared with me last week and brought back to my attention today. We are in control of the ocd. Did you hear me? The ocd is not in control of you, but you have control of it. What I mean by that and this is what I believe God showed me is that we can choose. We can choose to allow the ocd to rule or we can choose to control the ocd by standing up to it. It really is that simple. God reminded me of what He said to me during a prayer time this morning. Basically, He said you control it by either giving in to it or fighting it. When you choose to fight it, you are controlling it. You choose how much power you give it over you.
Now, I don’t know about you, but that says a great deal.
I want you to think about something. When you are around certain people and the ocd might embarrass you, do you reign it in and not do what you would normally do if no one is looking? If you do, and I know that we all have, then you can control it. I didn’t say did you control it and not feel any anxiety, but did you control it.
The anxiety will eventually go away the more you face the fear and expose yourself to it. Think of it another way. My fears about pills you probably wouldn’t even give a second thought. You don’t fear that and you would think that can’t harm you. You might even think, that’s silly. And, the things that you fear, I would probably not give a second thought and I would think there is no way that is going to harm you. Now, take that a step further. What if you started thinking that about your own fear. There is no way this is going to harm me. In my case, I have to think there is no way walking by a person with a prescription bottle of pills is going to harm me or cause me any problem. It is not going to jump out of the bottle and jump on me. It is not going to get on me in any way. The only way this bottle of pills is going to harm me is if I went up and took a pill out of the bottle and swallowed it and I happened to have an allergic reaction to it. So, since there’s no way I’m going to do that nor would any other normal person, then it is not going to harm me. I also think about all the times throughout my life, with the exception of the last two years, when this never bothered me and I walked by people with pills all the time and thought nothing of it. How often was I exposed to this and nothing happened? My whole life and nothing happened. The only time something happened to me was when I was prescribed a pill that I had a reaction to because I took it. So, how many times in your life have you been exposed to something that you are afraid of now and it never harmed you? In fact, you are still being exposed to it and nothing is happening to you except that you are feeling fear and anxiety about it and allowing that fear and anxiety to run rampant. I’m not just saying you are doing this. I have too.
But, we really are in control. Sometimes we might be very successful in using that control and other times we might not. God is not mad at you when you fail. He is saying you can do this. You can do this. Get up and fight again.
So, I hope what you take from this is knowing that you do have some control here and the ocd is not in control of you. You have hope. You can conquer this. Don’t beat yourself up if you fail at times, but throw a party when you do exercise your control. You are being courageous every time you fight despite what you may feel inside. In fact, I would argue that you are one of the most courageous people on the planet because you are choosing to face your fears instead of running from them – something most people with or without ocd never do. God loves you and is working with you in this fight. How can you lose?
Getting through ocd.

You can walk on water

“You can walk on water.” That is what I got from God a couple of weeks ago and I have wanted to share it here with you ever since. But, I got sidetracked and came under spiritual attack. You see sometimes when I gain ground and get something big to share with you that God is showing me, the enemy comes against me to try and stop me from getting the message out. So, I do want to ask you to keep me in your prayers as I try to follow what God leads me to share. I know I have God’s protection and He is stronger than anything the enemy lashes out, but the enemy does try to attack and bring me down at times.
I was on my way to Atlanta to get the rest of my stuff when God shared an image with me in my heart. He gave me a word to hold onto and I knew it was a word not just for me, but for everyone who is in this fight of ocd and fear.
I had an image in my heart of me standing on the beach with Jesus and looking out across the ocean. I felt the still small voice in my heart say, “all this can be yours.”
I thought what does that mean. I don’t understand. That is just ocean as far as the eye can see, vast amounts of ocean. What do you mean? I didn’t get an answer so I just let it go and didn’t think much more about it that day.
The next day, as I traveled to my last counseling appointment, I heard God’s whisper in my heart say, “You can walk on water. Do you want to?”
And, suddenly, it made sense to me – the ocean, walking on water. It all made sense. What God is saying, if we choose to believe it, is that we can walk on water through this fight. There is nothing we cannot do if we choose to believe it. What will you choose? Do you want to walk on water because you already have it in you.
After that I was so excited and I came home bursting with anticipation and longing to let you all know. The moment I arrived home, the attacks began from the enemy. A loved one said things completely out of character to me that made me doubt myself even though I knew it was the voice of the enemy speaking through that person. The next day, I developed a problem with my eye on my cornea that if left untreated could have led to an ulcer and blindness in that eye. I had to go to the doctor and was prescribed medication for my eye. As you know medication is my weakness and so I was nervous but I took it anyway and have done so now for five days. Today, I go back to the doctor to make sure it is working. In the midst of taking that medication, my husband and my mother chose that time to pick fights with me. I kept pushing through. I prayed for God’s help and continued exposing myself to the things that scared me the most and guess what I started winning again in this last area.
I have chosen to believe God in this area that I can walk on water. He has already healed me miraculously in almost every area of the ocd, but I had felt content I guess to battle the final layer and not really confront it as I had the other areas. You see I had already been told by my counselor that she had never seen anyone battle back from where I was before without the aid of medication. That is a testament to our God. But, God never intended for me to be 98 percent whole. He intended for me to be 100 percent whole. And, so I march on because I know the final remnants will fall. You see God told me I could walk on water and I am choosing to believe Him! Will you?
Getting through ocd.

Celebrate and praise God!

Celebration time! I just heard from Madeline on her tremendous progress forward in her fight against ocd! I am just so thrilled for her that I wanted to remind everyone that every victory is something to be celebrated and don’t forget to do that for yourself. My counselor once told me when I was describing how I had conquered something huge as if it were an everyday thing, that I needed to stop glossing over it and really listen to myself and celebrate the victories. I wanted to remind all of you of the same thing. When I heard from Madeline today I thought about how we tend to forget the celebration when we’ve been in the fight for a while and the progress that has already been made! I think of Laura and how far she’s come and about others who have written to tell me they have come through and come so far in this fight. I am humbled when people thank me and I don’t always know what to say when people credit the blog and my struggle with giving them hope again! It makes my day and all I can tell you is we serve a big God!
I have said this before and I will say it again. I have not advertised this blog in any manner. Those of you who’ve come here or found it is because of God. I have only mentioned this blog to one group of fellow ocd sufferers and that is a group God led me to in the early stages. So, no matter how you ended up here it is a God thing for sure.
I am humbled that my struggle has mattered and I’m humbled if God can take any of that and use it to help others heal. I will serve him all the days of my life because it is a miracle that I am here in one piece today. Many of you have probably felt the same way. There is hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel and yes, you can be completely set free. So celebrate. Celebrate your God. Celebrate all of your progress – big and small. Don’t beat yourself up if you see setbacks. The enemy tries to fight your progress, but your enemy (ocd) has already been defeated. It is not bigger than your God. We need to remember that and remember we don’t fight alone. We fight with the God of the universe and nothing, nothing, nothing can stand against Him. Celebrate and please share your victories on here in this blog. It helps us all and I want to celebrate with you!
Getting through ocd.

Take your stand

Sometimes in order to get free, you have to go in the furnace. That is what I heard Joyce Meyer say today – that often we are set free from our bondage in the fiery furnace. So, if you feel the heat turned up in your life, and if you are struggling with ocd, you have felt the heat – then here’s good news – You may be in the furnace now, but you are coming out free.
If you have prayed for God to set you free from ocd, you don’t have to wonder or worry if He heard you or if He will answer that prayer. He will. But, you can’t just sit around and wait for a miracle if you haven’t seen a miracle happen for your freedom. You have to do all that you know to do through prayer and doing what God is telling you to do, and then having done all to stand.
If you want to know how strong you are, this fight is not for the faint hearted. If you are in this trial, then you already know that you are a strong person, stronger I would argue than most because of what you have already endured. Now, stop worrying if you are strong enough for the fight and get up and fight.
God has given you all that you need to win because you have Him. Nothing can stand against you and nothing can come against you that is stronger than your God.
So face the fear that is battling you. Face it with your knees knocking and your hands shaking, but face it because you stand facing it with God and the minute you step out, He steps out and so does all of Heaven. Your enemy can’t stand in the face of that. David didn’t run from the battlefield when he faced Goliath. He ran quickly to the battlefield and He was successful because he went with God. He also didn’t fight with the same weapons that everyone else fought with. He used a slingshot and slayed a giant. Find how you fight best and step out with God. One sling of the rock and the giant goes down…the giant of ocd goes down.
Getting through ocd.